Change

Change.

It isn't something that I normally am okay with. It often causes me to break down, lose focus and become completely overwhelmed. Lately my life has been filled with change.

A change in our family. Life has a way of getting completely out of control. It seems as if it can go in a completely different direction than ever planned. It takes a sharp left turn when you told it to stay straight. Bill and I filed for divorce in June. I never ever thought that change would happen to me. I never thought I would enter the dating world again. I never thought that I would be a statistic in marriage. But I am; we are.

A change for our kids. Addie and Evie are splitting their time between Billy and my houses. They seem to be adjusting well and often will tell us who they want to be with. The first few weeks were hard, probably more so on Bill and I, but the girls acted out and would cry at the drop off times. We have gotten on a consistent schedule now and they like knowing where they are going to be. Addie started school and that has helped to ease her changes.

A change in my job. I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a stay at home mom over the past four years. Unfortunately, that has changed and I am currently getting back into the workforce. I struggle with the idea that I am not able to give Evie the same time with me as Addison was able to have but I know that my baby girls are in good hands and that it is my turn to provide for them when they are with me. It has brought on a void in all three of our hearts and I often get phone calls in the morning of Addie telling me she needs me. We are adjusting slowly and soon (next year!) both girls will be in school, which will ease the change.

A change in new relationships. After our split I met an amazing man. I wasn't expecting to start dating so quickly but I am a firm believer that God placed him in my life when He did for a reason. Although the adjustment to being in the dating world again didn't last long, learning to adjust to someones needs and preferences again has had it's challenges. Throw in kids, jobs, conflicting schedules and ex's and it makes dating even more interesting! But, I am happy and I enjoy his company. My parents had the opportunity to meet him in October and could see how happy he makes me; I think they are warming up to the idea of these changes.

A change for our parents. I am so fortunate to have a mom and dad that I can go to about anything. Although the phone call to tell my parents I was getting a divorce was the hardest phone call I have ever made (honestly, harder than telling them I had cancer) they accepted our decision. My parents were aware of the struggles in Bill and my relationship and although this isn't the path they would have chosen for either us or the kids they understand that it may be the best decision. Over the past few months my parents have been my support and my shoulder to cry on. This change isn't easy for them. They worry about their grandchildren, their daughter and even their ex-son-in-law. I appreciate the way in which they have handled this very difficult decision.

So change has taken over my world these last few months. Whether good changes or not I believe that God doesn't give us more than we can carry. Hopefully He knows my hands are full and I just can't handle anymore change, not for a while.