Today I learned what it means to be thankful

It seems as if every time I enter the Cancer Center I leave with a new milestone. A new understanding of how lucky I am my journey was on a path leading to health. Today was no different. Today I had a scan, I had an appointment and I left with a new milestone. I left with a milestone that all cancer patients hope to reach. A milestone in a journey I wish no one after me would ever have to walk down. Today I left the Cancer Center a cured woman.

As I write this post I find it ironic that God placed my 5 year cancer anniversary the day before Thanksgiving. With all the things we take for granted God reminded me today that I really do have so much to be thankful for.

First and foremost I am so thankful for a family who supported me in my journey. My mom who took off numerous days away from work to be by my side. A mom who stayed strong. A mom who supported my husband.A mom who let me cry, made me laugh and reminded me of all I have to live for. My dad. He was the first to hear my news. He was the rock who helped my mom in the struggles. He was our logic in a rather emotional time. My husband. Wow, what a journey we embarked on. After only 15 days of being engaged we were told that I had cancer. He changed jobs, missed social events, gave up normalcy and supported me. He was my main caregiver. I've come to learn over the past 5 years how hard it is to be a caregiver; I am thankful he stayed to be mine.

Next I am thankful for my brother and sister-in-law. Although they were living in England they were present in my survival story. My brother shaved his head and my sister in law sent cards weekly. They became the one thing I looked forward too. They checked in and stayed active in my journey.

I am also thankful for all the people behind the scenes. My nurse Kate. Without her I am not sure that I would have made it through this! She let me cry, reminded me it would all be over soon and found ways to make me comfortable. My doctor, Dr. Harold Londer. I was blessed with one of the best oncology doctors in all of Minnesota. He was informative, honest and tough. He told me that he would kill my cancer and he did. He was an amazing doctor and I feel fortunate to now call both him and Kate friends. Deb, the front desk receptionist. She cried with me and for me. She made me eat, called to check in and helped Billy with the struggle of a "sick fiance". She is an amazing woman with a heart so full of love. I am lucky to also call her friend.

I am so thankful for my beautiful girls. Addie and Evie are the reasons I draw breath. They are my life. I cannot imagine them not being here and I am so thankful God decided that he would allow me the privilege of having children. They don't yet know about my journey but I hope that when I explain it to them they are proud of their mommy and daddy.

I am so thankful. I can't explain the overwhelming feeling. I can't explain why I cried today. I can't explain the rush that went through my body when Dr. Londer said, "Well, your cured now". It was like this right of passage; a graduation if you will. Like the moment you go from a single person to a married person with a few simple words.

So here I am. Eight hours later. The same woman. A mother of two, wife of one, daughter of amazing parents and sister of an Air Force pilot. Nothing has changed; except it has. It has changed immensely. I no longer have to tell people I am in remission. That scary word that feels like the unkowen. The purgatory of cancer, if you will. I made it to the other side. I realize how lucky and I am. And for that, I am thankful.

Addie's Seizure

Last Tuesday Miss Addie gave us a giant scare. After taking a shower Addie was sitting on my lap and I was combing her hair when she went limp. At first I thought she just fell asleep but after trying to wake her and looking at her eyes I realized that she was non-responsive. I yelled for Bill and we decided we needed to get her to the doctor. When laying her down to get a diaper and clothes on her she went opaque. We ended up calling 911.

Within minutes there was one first responder and the sheriff at my door. They couldn't get Addie to respond and the first responder wasn't sure that he could get a pulse. Her eyes were rolled so far back that they couldn't check her pupils. (I never lost a pulse although it was very weak at times) They called for the helicopter and the ambulance from the hospital. Once the rest of the first response team arrived they laid Addie flat on the floor. Approximately 8 to 10 minutes had passed since she went limp and she started to wake up. She just laid there while 6 men were huddled over her and looked zombie like. Once she came to the color in her cheeks came back and she seemed "normal".

We decided that she should still go to the hospital but didn't need the helicopter (which they decided to call off) or the ambulance (they followed behind us the entire way, just in case). Addie, Billy and I headed to the hospital ER while our awesome friends took Evie.

While in the ER Addie had an EKG and the sedation for a CT. Typically, the sedation didn't work so they gave her the maximum dose. It made her super hyper so they admitted her so she could be in a crib to relax. After about 3 hours of hyperness she crashed and we got a CT. It was explained to us that if there was bleeding on the brain or a fracture in the skull she would be airlifted to a different hospital in either Rochester or Des Moines. Luckily, it came back normal.

The next morning we met with the doctor again. They decided that they needed to do a bunch of tests to make sure she was okay. After an ECG they sedated Addison again for an EEG (brain scan). After hours of waiting we found out that Addie's brain is normal!! The neurologist felt like Addison still had a major seizure.


He explained to us that seizures aren't always jerky. That petit mal seizures are lack of movement. Typically, the person doesn't go non-responsive, yet they seem to be staring, zoned out or confused. That after the seizure they don't know they just had one. And that they are normally very short spells. The neurologist had two concerns with Addie: she was out for 8-10 minutes and my dad has a cousin with epilepsy. He decided to put her on a seizure medication called Keppra.

Addie left the hospital Thursday morning with a portable heart monitor and a seizure medication. She seemed normal, tired but normal, all weekend. Sunday afternoon she started getting a little irritable and was freaking out over everything. By Monday Bill and I were noticing some weird behaviors.

Addie is a doer. She loves to be outside playing. Monday and Tuesday we were struggling getting her to do anything. All she wanted to do was eat, drink or lay. Not my girl. We had a follow up with our amazing pediatrician on Monday and he agreed that she had a seizure but wasn't sure she needed to be on medicine.

So he referred us to Mayo in Rochester for a second opinion and marked her as Urgent. Later on Monday I received a phone call that her appointment was July 25, 36 days away. Personally, that isn't urgent enough to a mom who can't sleep and stares her 2 year old down constantly to make sure she is okay! I have made 25 phone calls in the last 24 hours and haven't really gotten anywhere. They have decided to lower her amount of seizure medication and want me to watch her.

If things don't get better by tomorrow we were advised to go to St. Mary's ER in Rochester and they will run the tests necessary.

So as of right now it is just a waiting game. It's torture watching Addie hold her head and say owie without her being able to tell you what hurts.

We would like to thank everyone for their prayers. Most importantly we would like to thank our friends Anna and Jake for "parenting" Evie for the 3 days we were in the hospital.