Responsible, Trustworthy and Self-confident

Thoughts for the day:

Having children was a big decision for my husband and I when we met. We talked a lot about how many (he wants 4, I want 2) and what kind of up-bringing they would have. See Billy and I come from different back rounds. Billy was raised on a farm with a stay at home mom. They were lower class and didn't have much. He didn't know that people actually took vacations for spring break. Their cars were often breaking down or needing repair. I, however, grew up in the suburbs. I lived in an affluent community and spring break trips were a no brainer. I went to private school until sixth grade and lived a pretty privileged life. We weren't rich by any means but we were an upper-middle class family. My parents often drove nice cars and my brother and I were involved in every activity we could find time for.

Both our childhoods were good, just very different. Both my parents worked, Billy's mom stayed home. They used their imaginations to play, we had organized sports. We went on trips and created some of my favorite memories at our family cabin, they drove 30 mins to a museum and called it a vacation. You get my drift.

Now Billy and I are somewhere in the middle. We are just middle-class, hard working people. We have been faced with some very difficult times in the last 3 years but know that through it all we had each other. (Trust me, sometimes that didn't feel like enough) Billy works very hard to support our family. We have a nice house, food on our table and are able to pay our bills. And although there often times there isn't much left to do the "fun" things in life, like vacations, we manage to find a way to have a great time. We've found that middle road.

So when deciding to have children there were a few things we knew for sure and some we disagreed on. We didn't know quite how we were going to instill values or if I was going to work or not. We didn't know how we were going to discipline or if any of our plans would work. And, let's face it, we still fight about what we don't know. However, we did know that our children were going to be raised to be responsible, trustworthy and self-confident people. They are going to leave our home someday and know they were loved and raised with all we could give them. We would hope that they would love God and know that even through the hard times, when they feel completely alone, He is there. Our Christian faith is not something that Billy and I will shove down our children's throats. Billy was often "forced" to go to church up to 3 to 4 times a week and it turned him away from God. I, however, was "forced" as a child to go to church only on Sunday. As a teenager I started to question more and got more involved in the church. I found what I was looking for in God. We've both strayed away from God and His path a few times but we've found our way back recently and both feel like God needs to be a choice not a punishment. But that's for a different blog!

Fast-forward to today and we are the blessed parents of 1.5 children (I'm half way there!!) and things are seeming to fall into place. I am lucky enough to stay home with Addison full-time. I've watched her grow and discover the world around her. I know there are times that my mom or friends may think that I am expecting "too much out of a one year old" but I don't see it that way. If Addison does something wrong there are consequences.

For instance, Addison has decided lately that she is a monkey. She climbs anything she can get her little feet on and unfortunately it's normally not the safest things in the world. Yesterday, she decided to try to climb the picture table. I walked in the living room and there was my little monkey hanging from the table, as it was starting to tip over, giggling and looking at me with a proud smile. I wanted to laugh, but it wasn't safe so she got her little butt put in time out for 30 seconds. She's been caught throwing blocks at the dogs, "hiding" her snacks under the couch, and unplugging lamps all of which there have been consequences for.

There are always three chances in our house. First chance, I tell her no, that's an "owie". Second chance I take her away from the situation and tell her no again. Last chance I raise my voice and pretty much try to scare the crap out of her so she doesn't go back. This tactic used to do wonders. She'd get scared leave it alone and if she did happen to go back to it all I would have to do is count..1...2...3 and she would leave it alone again. Well, not today. Today Addie is a stubborn, go figure, little girl who thinks it's funny to sit in time out and funny to get her hands squeezed. She literally laughs in my face. AHH!! But, I stick with it because she is going to learn the rights and wrongs of this world.

I do understand that she is young but that doesn't make her stupid. She knows exactly what she is doing. She walks right up to the t.v., puts her little finger on the power button and stares are you for a response. You tell her no, she pushes and giggles. Tell me she doesn't understand. We think little kids don't get it but let's face it, they get it better then we do.

She is learning to be responsible. She is learning that when you do something that Mommy or Daddy (although he's kind of a push over) tell you to or not to do and you don't listen there are consequences. She is learning to share and treat others with respect. And although we are starting with the doggies, she is starting to catch on that pulling tails, hitting in the face and poking out eyes are not "nice" behaviors. It's amazing to watch her confidence grow too.

I'll never forget the look on her face the first time she walked or climbed the stairs. The first time she got the right puzzle piece in the puzzle or the ball in the ball popper. She loves to smile and clap and we encourage this because no matter how crazy we look dancing and clapping in the living room it is building her confidence.

I was given possibly the best compliment the other day at Walmart. I was walking along grocery shopping with Addie in the cart and we were "talking" about what we were buying and what colors they were just like normal and this older lady was often behind us. When I was going to check out she stopped me and said, "Young lady, it is obvious that you are an amazing mom and that little girl loves you." Sort of surprised, I just said 'thank you'. She then looked at me and said, "It's nice to see young parents like you in the world today, keep it up". It made me realize that although Billy and I had very different up-bringings we are doing an okay job raising this little girl to be the responsible, trustworthy, self-confident person we want her to be.

It's okay to be angry.

Apparently I am not as good at updating this as I thought I would be but I'm going to give it a go again!



Update on the last five months:

We found out on Christmas Eve eve that we were pregnant. Not really surprised, being that we were trying, but it was still very exciting. Billy loves his job. It's going really well and they are starting the planting season now. I still don't quite get what he does but as long as he keeps going to work, that's okay. Addison has changed immensely. She is 13 months, walking, "talking" and running the household. I am at home with her full time and wouldn't change it, even though some days are really long. I am now 19 weeks pregnant and we find out next week what we are having. I can't decide if I think it's a boy or girl. My gut tells me girl but my heart tells me boy. Either way, I won't be disappointed.

Thoughts for Today:

It's probably not a real pleasant subject but I've recently just faced my first death of a child. My friends son died of SIDS and it's been the most real thing I have ever faced. It made me start questioning God and his purpose in our life. I've always believed that when we have fulfilled our purpose on earth God takes us to be with him. That everything happens for a reason. All the things I was taught as a child. But I was faced with the news last Tuesday that a 3 month old was taken from his parents. Of course I cried and mourned for Erin and Jeff. For what their families must be feeling because I cannot understand the pain this must cause. And then I started to get very angry. I started to wonder why.



What purpose could a 3 month old have fulfilled. I get that he brought love and life into a home but that couldn't be it, right? God couldn't have seen how proud Jeff was or how happy Erin was and thought it was his time to come home. I just am not sure I can believe that. So I consulted a friend of mine who is a strong Christian woman on my feelings. She reminded me that God doesn't need to give us a reason or justify what His plans are. He, after all, is God. She also reminded me it is okay to be angry. It's an emotion and God wants us to feel that way.



I don't know about you but I have a hard time being mad at God. Instead, often times I put my anger toward the person or thing that is upsetting me. It leads to a cold, hard heart and often times resentment. Those are not things God intended us to have, they are human emotions. Instead, God wants us to be mad at Him. He's okay with that. He wants us to feel real emotion with Him. He wants a personal relationship with Him and the only way we will ever have that is when we get in His face and ask the hard questions. Even Jesus, when being crucified asked his Father why are you forsaking me. It's okay to be mad as long as you trust God's plan.



I'll be honest, I think I needed the reality check this gave me. It reminded me that as a Christian I will never know all God's reasons. I'm not privileged to His plan in my life but I DO get to live it out and that is pretty amazing. It's been a really hard week dealing with the emotions of the death of a child. I keep praying that Jeff and Erin can somehow through this horrible time find the peace they are looking for. And I pray, as oddly as it sounds, that they get real with God and are mad.