I don't owe you anything.

Thoughts for the day:

We've all heard the sayings: I owe you one, or You pat my back I'll pat yours, or I'll get you back. In fact, I am sure most of us have said them. Is there an intention to actually "get them back"? Yeah, I suppose. Does it happen a lot? I don't know.

This thought all came about yesterday as I was doing some reflection on a relationship I have with "Bob". (Bob is not a real person. Bob is the he/she that this blog is about) See Bob keeps score. Bob makes sure that if they do something for me, I do something for them. Bob makes me feel like I owe them something. I'm sure you know the type.

See, I had cancer and very few of my "friends" stayed active "friends" during that time. A lot of them had great intentions and would call here or there but I had about 5 real friends who would give up a Friday night at the bar (we were 22) to stay home with me after a chemo treatment, watch me moan and groan and then fall asleep at 8PM. I often told them, you don't have to do this or "I owe you one". And I meant it and with Bob I've been trying to payoff my debt since.

With Bob I keep paying off my debt but never feel like it's enough. I've done all I can do for this person. Given all the give I have for them. I've listened, loved, done, & given everything I have to make this person see that I appreciate them being there for me. But I can tell That Bob thinks I still owe them something.

Well, last night while thinking about how this relationship is draining and more work then I want to put in anymore I realized something. I don't owe Bob anything. Bob was given the same choice the rest of my "friends" were given. Stay or go. I didn't beg, I didn't ask and I certainly didn't expect for Bob to stay around and I'd "get him back". I was sick, really sick. I needed Bob to be there when I needed to cry, when I needed to vent or when I got so scared that this might be the end. And Bob did all that but with the idea that I owed them something.

Do you know someone like "Bob"? Are you putting so much work into a relationship and still feeling drained? Are you Bob? I don't think it's how relationships, of any kind, should be. Self-serving. So now I'm standing face to face with two choices, both equally as hard, tell Bob that it's time our relationship ends or explain to Bob, I don't owe you anything.