What do I have to lose?

Thoughts for the day:

Okay, so I've been a bit slush keeping up this past week. No excuses, nothing exciting is going on, just pure laziness on my behalf. I'm sort of in this lull of things to write about. It's not that there isn't anything going on in my life or the world around me, it's just that, I've been feeling a little disconnected from it all. It's the feeling where you know of the current events in the world and you have an opinion but it's just not that important to you for some reason.

There has been a lot going on in the personal lives of people I care deeply about and I think that may be the reason for my lack of interest. Somethings good, somethings not. What I've learned in the last week or so is that the power of prayer really does work.

Okay, let me explain something to you. I have always been a Christian. I was baptized as an infant and my parents did an excellent job showing me a Christ like lifestyle. As a teenager, thanks to an ex-boyfriend, I became very involved in my faith. I liked feeling important to someone (God). After high school, I strayed. Not far, no drugs, sex rings or robberies, but I strayed non the less. I made stupid choices and let me come before Him. Well, in the last six months or so I've found that place I had in high school again. I've dug into my Bible, read uplifting Christian books and I've really prayed. Maybe it's becoming a mom, maybe it's the move, or maybe it's just God doing His thing. I dunno but I like it. So, when people have said, I'm praying for you, I've always thought, "gee, thanks, but I think God has already decided the outcome". Maybe it's true that God knows what the outcome is going to be but lately I've realized prayer really does get answered.

I have this friend, Jenny, who has been trying to get pregnant for almost two years. She is a dear friend and I have never met anyone who wanted a baby more then her, except her husband. These two are kind, generous and deserving people so after hearing how, month after month, she still wasn't pregnant I was starting to get discouraged with God. I started praying every night for them to find an answer as to why. It turned out that Jenny had endometriosis and needed surgery. After her surgery I think we all thought she would just get pregnant. At least I did. So I kept praying and month after month she kept calling to tell me she wasn't pregnant. They started on medication and nothing was happening. We talked about 2 months ago and she told me that her and Wade had signed up for an Invitro class and were just expecting that her last eggs weren't going to work. I kept telling her, God has a plan Jenny. Well, He came through big time. She is now six weeks pregnant. And although it is very early in her pregnancy prayers were answered. Of course the prayer now is that this baby remains strong and healthy as it grows but either way, they are going to have a baby.

Remember Erin and Jeff? They lost their little boy to SIDS about a month ago. Well, I am happy to report that just the other day Erin announced that she finally had a "good day". I know it's a small step but it's a step in the right direction. God is healing their hearts slowly and according to His plan. I am very proud to know Erin and Jeff. The dignity and strength they have shown, even through the rough days, is amazing. I am not sure that I could face another day the way they both have. God is doing things in their lives and all we can do is continue to pray that He heals them.

There are other things, too. Things that are too personal to these people to publicly talk about right now but God is working in their lives too. I have come to realize that everything that I have come to know again is so amazing in God. Will I stray again, maybe. Will I question God and my faith, everyday. Will I wonder what it would be like to be without Him, never. See, I have a very good friend who is an atheist and he often asks me, "So what if your putting all this work in for nothing? Won't it feel like a waste of time?". And this is my answer to all of you who ask the same thing. If I am wrong I lived a life (for the most part, I am human) of love, fulfillment and the idea of knowing that someone or something was taking absolute care of me. If he is wrong, the consequences are much worse. So I guess I'd rather believe now and be wrong later. I mean, what do I have to lose?