Have You Seen My Patience?

Patience is a virtue. I normally have it. Today, I don't.

It's amazing how a couple small things can really throw you off your game. I'm going to out my husband here, but it's my blog and I can do what I want, right. Okay, well he didn't do anything for Mother's day. No card, no breakfast in bed, no present, nothing. Instead, I woke up to a messy living room. I came downstairs hoping there was a card waiting for me, but there wasn't. I was hurt. I do a lot for this family but he couldn't "find the time" to get me a card. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if this was the first time this had happened but I've never had a birthday cake, a party, or a "birthday I remember" since I've known Billy. He on the other hand has had several birthday parties, cakes, balloons, presents. I give him everything I want. I'm not going to lie, I was really really hurt and I cried a good portion of the morning. I thought I would wake up today and be over it but I'm just not.

I blame him but only to a certain extent. It's hard for me to remember that he grew up with a dad who never did anything for his wife. In fact, last year we were all together on Mary's (my mother in law) birthday and I was the only one who got her a card. When I gave it to her his reaction literally was to ask me WHY I gave her a card. I reminded him that it was her birthday and he goes, oh, it is. Wow. I grew up with a different kind of dad. My dad never forgot Mother's day, anniversaries or birthdays. My dad, at the very minimum, got my mom a card. I wasn't expecting a lot yesterday, I know we can't afford it, but breakfast made for me or a card with a little scribble from Addison would have gone a long way.

I know I need to let this go but it's really thrown me off my game. I normally seethe patience, especially for Addison, out of my pores. Today, I have none. She woke up screaming and instead of heeding my advice to my husband of "just give her a paci" he picked her up, changed her and brought her into our room. Really, it's 6:15am. I laid her back down and she cried, screamed and threw her blankets out of her bed. After 25 minutes I realized that we weren't going back to bed so we got up, I made her eggs and sat her in her highchair. She then picked up the plate and threw it all on the floor. Instant timeout. Mama don't play that. I set her on the chair and picked up the food, looked over and she was sound asleep. Really?!

My patience is one thing I pride myself on. She can normally press my buttons to lengths I didn't know were possible without me breaking, at least not in front of her. The same is true with my husband. I can normally get over the little things he does or doesn't do that bother me: not ever closing the shower curtain, leaving the toilet seat up, having farming magazines scattered across the living room but not today. Today all those things have built up inside me and I've lost my patience. Today is going to be one of those days. I'm hoping that between now and whenever Addie wakes up my patience comes back. I hope that before my husband gets home from work I get over the actions of yesterday. I know it'll pass and I'll be back to my normal self soon but for right now I'm not.